Memories from the outdoors

My years of experiencing the Great Outdoors has filled my brain with memories, and some of them are treasured.  On this dreary Monday morning, it’s a good time to recall one, isn’t it?

One of my most fond memories is that of fishing for rainbow trout on a cold fall/spring/winter morning at some river or stream.  Since rainbow trout like cold water, you can bet the air is none too warm in the morning, no matter what the season.  Cold air and remote locations nearly beg for a campfire, and if you have camped nearby, it’s almost a given that one will be burning, if nothing else to make the coffee to kickstart your early morning fishing.

With hook and bait or a lure, the line is cast into the water, and the game begins.  If the conditions are right, it was a given that I’d get lucky pretty soon with a pan sized trout on the end of the line, fighting for its life.  The end result would usually be a nice fish in my hands.

On the skillet, a piece of bacon would usually be used to grease the pan…and it would be sizzling and scenting the air while the trout was gutted.  With a quick rinse in the same water it had lived in, the fish would soon join that slice of bacon, cooking for a couple of minutes on each side, just until it was done.  There was no fancy breading, no meuniere sauce, no sprinkling of seasonings.  It was pure rainbow trout, seasoned by appetite and fresh air, and nothing would ever taste as delicious as the trout cooked beside the stream it came from.

There is something about the scent of burning wood (usually juniper where I’d be) and then the sizzling bacon in the skillet.  The aroma of coffee would be dancing around too, as it would have already been percolated on the fire.  The air would be cold and crisp, perfect for carrying those scents, with the natural aromas of the trees and plants growing nearby giving strong woodsy overtones to the morning.

Air freshener companies can only wish that they could recreate that wonderful set of scents and bottle it.  I can only hope that its a memory that never gets lost in a cobweb filled brain, as it, like so many other memories, combines scents with activities.  I’m just glad that I don’t have some of the scent related memories some acquaintances do…such as over-doing it with cow-in-heat-urine during hunting season, and then having trouble convincing a bull elk in full rut that you aren’t that elk cow…

Talk about love potion #9?  No thanks!

I’ll stick to my burning wood and coffee and bacon and sizzling trout on a cold, crisp morning alongside a mountain stream set of scents.

The camp dork

We belong to an organization by the same name as this blog.  We do a lot of camping stuff, along with other outdoorsy stuff as well as emergency preparation.  But before we created the organization, we had a loosely organized group (not that we’re super organized now though) and we would go camping.

We have also always encouraged others to join in, and we’ve learned over time.  You can always pick out the camp dork when it comes time to cook.

Experienced campers have a pretty good idea of what works…and what doesn’t for camp food.  I know that I’m not going to cook a pot of beans if we’re primarily camping for hiking or fishing or some other activity.  If we are camping just to get out and away, we may well cook beans, because we are apt to hang out in camp a good portion of the day or evening.  I also know that when we’re out and about, people will just plain eat a lot more than they normally would.  I could flatter myself and say it was my cooking that inspired their appetites, but it’s not.  They just plain get hungrier.

Now the camp dork shows up to camp, and probably has the right gear, even if they aren’t so sure how to use it.  Their camping gear might be brand new even.  Their gear won’t scream “camp dork” right away, but it definitely will show up.  The food is apt to be the real clincher on “camp dork” status.

Just for the record, once you get pronounced the camp dork…it’s apt to be a very tough designation to ever live down!

Dinner time arrives, everyone starts getting food together…and they proudly contribute a whole box of frozen…corn dogs.

Camp dork status has been achieved.  What kind of person other than a dork would bring a box of frozen corn dogs to a late fall primitive camp out?

Seriously, I asked what he was going to do with those, wondering what kind of ingenious method he had for heating these things up.  His announcement was they were perfect for the fire, and already had a stick.

Yeah, sure, buddy….if you want cooked fingers before the corn dog is even scorched on the outside.

For the record, that’s probably the worst food on earth to take camping unless you are doing the RV thing.  We have no electricity, therefore no microwave.  We’ve got camp stoves, but no camp oven.  He doesn’t have so much as a skillet with him, but there are plenty of other options.  We let him try to “cook” his corn dogs, and the rest of us set about making food that is both hot and tasty, leaving him with the mission impossible of trying to heat that corn dog.

After thirty minutes, scorched knuckles, cold corn dog with burned breading…we suggested he put the corn dogs back and save them for home and come eat.  It was just too pathetic to keep on watching.

Sometimes, it’s not the dork in your own camp providing the entertainment, but a dork in the neighboring site in a campground that will provide your evening entertainment.  It will make you go buy a video camera, just so you can record the next dork incident, because of its extreme entertainment.

It was just such a dork that entertained us one evening at a camp ground in Louisiana.  We had set up the day before, and I’d cooked our meal on the picnic table with our handy camp stove.  The new neighbors arrived when I was first starting to prepare our meal, and backed their motor home in with a great deal of high drama and hand signals.  Finally in position, their awning was put out, along with camp chairs, a ground cover, and a few other items.

While I was waiting for the water to boil, I walked around and collected the few fallen sticks and pine cones from the storm the previous night, putting them in the fire pit.  We’d have a small fire for ambiance with our dinner, I decided.  Our neighbor, Mr. Dork, sent his wife out to duplicate the mission, and got out his bundle of pre-cut firewood and a can of charcoal starter fluid.  Dusk was falling, dinner was done, and we lit our fire as we sat down to eat.  I had a clear view of Mr. Dork, but GM was out of luck with his back to the Dorks campsite.

He squired the entire fire pit with what appeared to be about half a can of starting fluid.  Then, with a long barbecue lighter, he lit it.  It burned brightly for about five minutes and went out.  More fluid, and this time, he got out a leaf blower from the basement of his motor home.

Yes, an electric LEAF BLOWER!

He lights it, and with the leaf blower, proceeds to BLOW on the fire.  It goes out, and he demands that his wife find more sticks and pine cones.  He waits for her, administers more starting fluid, aims his leaf blower, and lights it again, before turning the leaf blower on the poor fire.  He did this over and over while we ate.  Finally, as we’re sipping our after dinner coffee, he gets disgusted, throws the leaf blower into a chair, and retreats inside the motor home and didn’t emerge again all evening.  His wife brought their dogs out periodically.

Only a real devout dork would use a leaf blower to try and start a camp fire.

Moral of these stories?

1. Don’t take corn dogs or leaf blowers on camping trips.
2. Know how to set up your tent and practice  setting it up at home.
3. Ask for help rather than pretending you know how to do everything.
4. Do some research before embarking on a camping trip.
5. Bring appropriate food and think about how you will cook it.
6. Don’t wear argyle socks with boots and shorts.
7. Leave your pocket protectors at home.
8. Wrinkled and tattered clothes are fine for camping, neatly pressed and coordinated outfits make you suspiciously dorkish.
9. All really “cool” campers are familiar with starting a fire easily–practice the skill!

With these hints, you too can avoid being the camp dork on your next trip.